expectationemesis

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I am Lawrence. I also go by Ren/Rena, Raziel, Hal, and... idk, a bunch of other names. My identity is about as stable as wet cardboard lmao. I am a 25 year old non-binary demigirl. I identify as a bisexual gray-aromantic. I have, like, several mental illnesses (though, I probably didn't need to tell you that ;P).I am an artist. A digital artist, primarily, but I do dabble in photography and crafts. I have been drawing ever since I was small, but I started doing it digitally in 2012. I use Paint Tool SAI Ver. 2 (occasionally), Fire Alpaca (mostly), and a Wacom Intuos S (2013) tablet. Over the years, I've shoved my grubby little hands into a bunch of fandoms, but I do a lot of original work too! Most of my art tends to deal with things that make people uncomfortable, though. xPI am a webmaster. I mean... by definition. Not in the way which a lot of indie web programmers use it, as in a person who's hand-coded their website from the ground up. Older versions of EXPnem were hand-coded, however versions 9 and above are all built in Carrd. What can I say? As much as I loved programming, I found it incredibly irritating to add new content. X'D

General — Art, retro-computing, vintage technology, programming, web archival/old web, furry, stuffed animals (especially teddy bears!), biology, entomology, medicine, forensics, mountaineering.Music artists — 009 Sound System, alt-J, A Perfect Circle, Aphex Twin, Ayesha Erotica, Big Data, Blue Stahli, Calvin Harris, Carpenter Brut, Chemlab, Daft Punk, Deadmau5, Depeche Mode, Ephixa, Front Line Assembly, Grabbitz, Health, Innerpartysystem, Johnathan Coulton, Klayton, Pendulum + Knife Party, Phutureprimative, Korn, Martin Solveig, Melanie Martinez, ohGr, OK Go, Savant, Skinny Puppy, Noise Unit, Owl City, Skrillex, Sneaker Pimps, System Of A Down, The Crying Spell, The Faint, Nine Inch Nails, Nouveau Arcade, Pegboard Nerds, Tally Hall, Squarepusher & SO MANY MOREEE AGHHHHVideo games — A Short Hike, Amnesia: The Dark Descent, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare ('09), Daymare Town, Disco Elysium, Dishonored, Don't Starve, Fingerbones, Gorogoa, Half-life, Haunting Ground, Machinarium, Minecraft, Mouthwashing, Outlast, Penumbra, Portal + Portal 2, Silent Hill 2, Submachine Legacy, The Binding of Isaac, The Long Dark, Vintage Story, Webbed.Literature — (TBA)Movies & TV — (TBA)

EXPECTATIONemesis was created on September 11th, 2021. It was first hosted on Neocities (like most modern indie web projects) under the name of cyberangeldust.neocities.org. I signed up for Neocities following a post I'd seen on Tumblr talking about it. At the time, I was looking for a new place to call "home", as this wasn't too long after Wix, the people who own deviantART.com, had decided to do something really stupid. (Little did I know, they'd do something MUCH fuckin' stupider just a few years later! *extremely pained sigh*) EXPnem, then cyberangeldust, was to become the home of my artistic endeavors. And it was good. uwu... Until it wasn't. ^^"Now, I loved Neocities a lot, don't get me wrong! Most of this site's life was spent on that platform. I learned a lot during those years, made some pretty darn cool acquaintances, and had so much fun screwing around with HTML and CSS. Javascript is evil, but I'm not holding that against anyone but the jagoff that made it. ;P... But, yeah, uh. The community left a LOT to be desired... primarily because there was a community at all. oAo All the drama and weird superiority complexes left a bad taste in my mouth. </3 I thought we were all jus' chilling, having fun learning programming... Why're we making ~manifestos~ n' shit? Who cares?! My god, man, it ain't that deep. </3 JKASDHA... So! Couple those feelings with feeling widely uninspired with my site, and the fact that Neocities was costin' me $5 a month, I ended up just dipping. Felt it was the best thing for meh. :PAnd while I've never been too crazy about site-builders (I remember being hella irritated when Google Domains was sold to Squarespace. Still irritated about that tbh.), I've never had anything against Carrd. I've been using their services since 2017, after all! So, after I looked into their paid features, and was quite impressed what $20 a year would buy me, the choice was easy. The redesigning and remaking of my site's old pages? N-not so much. .u."" But thas' fiiiine, that's half the fun of webmaster-ing! The pain. 8D *eye twitch*"Yeah, that's nice, are you done?" GAH, rude! D:< Can a bitch ramble a little? Sheesh! Fine, I'll explain more about the site itself, as opposed to its history. :I Hmph.EXPECTATIONemesis is a combination of expectation and nemesis (wow, no kidding), which comes from the lyric, "I'll be the nemesis of expectation", from the song Anti You by Blue Stahli (aka Bret Autrey). I can't tell you why that particular song spoke to me, especially considering that 2021-22-ish was the height of my Celldweller obsession, but hey! It's a damn good song.Here, have a listen. Heck, go buy the album. S'really good. ^_^

To be added...

Web shrines! I used to make a ton of these back in 2022-23. My shrines primarily consist of playlists, soundscapes, and moodboards. Sometimes there will be gushing, other times there won't be. It all depends on what the shrine's purpose is. ^_^ Please enjoy!Be warned: most of these shrines are NOT designed for mobile users! Heck, I'm surprised that most of EXPECTATIONemesis looks half-decent on mobile. .-.; Sorry, mobile users. Feel free to check out other parts of my site! <:D

Bleed :; — dedicated to HAL 9000 of 2001: A Space OdysseyRust // — part moodboard, part shrine, dedicated to rust and decay (TBA)[NobodyLovesULikeMe] — a collections of shrines dedicated to my main F/Os (TBA)

To be added...